Weak
by shatafa
Summary: How does one deal with the loss of another? Susan's life after the train crash. A possible ending that crossed my mind. I promise it's better than it sounds. slightly edited from the book's story.
1. Not a word

**Title:** Weak 

**Disclaimer: **I only own my character and nothing else.

**Warning: **Spoilers for those who haven't read the last book if you are one of them, you have been warned. Depressing and self-destructive character traits.

**Author's note:** This is just a short story I made about Susan's death after the train crash.

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**Weak.**

**Chapter 1. Not a word.**

_During this time Susan is in her twenties._

She had heard about it on the radio, but she just wouldn't believe it, or perhaps because she couldn't.

Susan closed her eyes and then made a run for the door. She just wouldn't believe it. Never. She grabbed her coat and stole the carriage; she didn't care if she would be yelled at later. She had to go. And as the horses finally ended the greatest beating of their lives when she had pulled them to a halt, she dismounted them.

She looked around. And she never, for a moment, did she shed a tear, as she saw a large heap of distorted scrap metal that was on fire, which used to be the train. She looked around, surely Ed or Lu was safe. Peter would find a way to protect them. Everything would be fine…or so she had thought

She turned to take a seat; she needed to catch her breath. But as she turned she froze and simply stared as the police zipped up the remains of her mother in a bag. Susan cupped her hands over her mouth and stared. Not a word was uttered. It was understood.

_It had been done._

A few minutes later, Susan sat on a bench. People stared as she sat, and she just sat. She had already seen her mother's dead body, and that was all she needed to see, to lose all hope.

She walked to a nearby guard whom appeared to be trying to subdue the howls of those who had just lost their families, or their lives.

"Excuse me sir." Susan said.

"Yes mam?"

"Are there any survivors?" she said quietly.

The guard hesitated a bit. "Why? Is there anyone you know who had been on borad that train?"

"Are there any survivors? Children? Adults? Alive?" she said.

The guard looked down and realized he had no choice but to adhere to the young lady's request.

"No. I'm sorry." He said, and he turned away.

Susan smiled, then bid him goodbye.

She walked back to the carriage, slower than usual. And when she arrived home, she was not greeted by the sweet sound of her mother's voice. Nor did she feel the hominess off her house. She just felt…empty. And not expecting to see anyone, she began to walk up into her room. Only to see that there was already someone there.

It was professor Kirk.

"Professor?" Susan said, walking towards her bed, where he was seated.

"Hello my dear, come, have a seat." he gestured towards a nearby chair.

Susan sat down.

"Would you like some tea sir? Or perhaps a crumpet or two?" She said, all smiles.

"Susan, my dear, why do you do this?" he said sadly.

"Why, do what sir?" she looked puzzled.

"Pretend. That everything's alright, when it's not. I know than you are an orphan now, and that you are now an only child, but why do you believe that it's all right when indeed my dear it isn't.

Susan stood up.

"For the same reason that I don't believe in centaurs or dryads! Because I am a grown up and I am real! Unlike all the rubbish of Narnia and such chatter!" she yelled.

"Young lady!" The professor spoke loudly; he was obviously angered by all that she had just said. Then he stood up.

"You are not the only one at a loss! I loved all of you, as if my own! How dare you say that you are real, when all you believe in is makeup and men! You say that Narnia is mere chatter and such, but you yourself talk of nothing but hair and nail polish!"

The professor exhaled deeply, then saw the shocked expression on Susan's face, and began to walkout the door, but he stopped and turned around. And to Susan's surprise, she saw tears in his eyes, tears she had only seen once before, when he had been remembering Narnia with them.

"My dear Susan, whatever happened to that beautiful little girl? The queen? The gentle? Where has she gone? Because I miss her so." The professor said sadly.

"She grew up, into a young lady. I'm no longer a little girl anymore, and I am happy living my life without my memories of the past." She said stiffly.

The professor wiped a tear and turned away.

"Then what you have, is no life at all. I pity you Susan."

And the professor walked out the door, and left, for good.

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The story isnt over yet! This is not how I think the story really ended in Narnia, but I am just saying this is a possible ending. PLEASE REVIEW.


	2. Betrayal

**Chapter 2. Betrayal**

Once again, in the once love-filled room, stillness returned to it, as a young lady in her twenties sat and stared into space. Tears filling her eyes, she settled into a nearby chair and began to think.

Susan sighed as she thought of how much longer she would be alone in this place she dreaded. She felt like lonely. She had to admit it. She missed Peter's bossiness, Edmund's stubbornness and even Lucy's thoughtfulness. But most of all, she missed her parents.

She stared down at her palms; they were pale, and they felt lifeless. She couldn't bear the pain. She glanced up at her nearby mirror, and then she began to examine herself closely. But this time, there was something different about the way she did it. Tracing her finger up and down her reflection, grasping the concept that she was now alone, Susan cried.

She cried in no one's arms, she took to no one for advice, and as she thought of how what hurt most in her body was the new void her heart, what truly destroyed her though, was that she didn't know why.

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It was afternoon now. Susan had invited her friend over previously, before the "little incident"(as Susan liked to call it) had occurred. They were heading to the opening of a new historical landmark. She thought of how boring it would be, standing outside in the heat of the sun in formal wear, waiting for a man gibbering to shut up and get on with it already.

She bathed, changed combed her hair, did her makeup, then grabbed one of the many black bags in her cabinet, to match with the black dress she was wearing. Then she proceeded downstairs, to wait for her friend. She didn't have to wait long though, since as she was just about to take a seat, the doorbell rang causing her to get up and answer it.

"So, Susan, are you ready to go? You look fabulous! I thought that since "the incident" occurred, you would return to your old ugly self again, but I guess this proves that young ladies like me can learn something new everyday!" Aria said.

Susan hated Aria, she was loud, bossy, tactless and oftentimes mean. Susan always wondered why they were friends, until she once again realized, that it was because Aria was popular. She knew where all the parties were, and when they would be. Without her Susan couldn't have all the fun she wanted. Susan went to parties and would often return late in the morning the next day too drunk to speak. She didn't care, that sickening morning feeling you got after being drunk was worth the few hours of joy you got at night from the high, or at least, for Susan.

Susan shook her head. _"Who cares if some of my friends are a bit wild, I have plenty of them and they love me." _She said to herself, not fully convinced though, she continued this odd conversation.

"_Mum thinks that Lucy has the most friends, though I don't see why, she isn't nearly as pretty as me, but mum says it doesn't matter as long as her friends love her. Ever since that girl jumped in front of a carriage to prevent it from hitting Lucy, everyone thinks Lucy's got the best friends. My friends would do that for me."_ Susan smiled, and convinced herself that she was right as she stepped into Aria's car.

"_No, they wouldn't." _A small voice in Susan's brain said.

Susan stopped moving, just as she was about to step into Aria's car. She had heard that voice before, _it was her own_. It was the voice she had when she had been queen Susan the gentle. It was the voice she had when she was playing ball with Peter and Edmund. It was the voice she had back when she was laughing because of joy, not because of alcohol.

"You know Susan, I think "the incident" has made you stupider, that's the second time today that you had that dumb, lousy look on your face." Aria said, turning on the engine of her car.

"Maybe it has." Susan murmured, and she stepped out of the car.

"What did you say?" Aria said, standing up. Susan turned around quickly to face her.

"You know maybe it has made me stupider!" Susan yelled frantically. "Maybe, it has killed a few of my brain cells, but I am so sure that I have lost more brain cells talking to you, you f little b!" she screamed, and began to walk back into her house, and to her surprise, Aria was laughing.

Aria got up from her seat and spoke. "I'm going to do you a favor and forget what you just said Susan, you know why? Of course you don't, because you need me. I'm the only friend you've got left, do you know why? No, I'm sure you don't, because no one else can stand you Susan! You're a self-absorbed b!No one likes you. The reason I know when are where parties are, is because people invite me to them, as long as I keep them away from you." Aria said, staring emotionlessly at Susan's tear-stricken face.

"Now get in the car, and we'll go to the new historical landmark and pretend like nothing is wrong, just like you always do. Hurry up and wash you're face, we're going to the mansion of some rich professor that died recently, and now his mansion is a landmark. I'm just going for laughs. It seems that the house was empty because just before he died, he sold everything in it. He probably knew that he was going to croak soon and wanted all his money kept for himself. Funny though, he didn't sell some tacky wardrobe that was there…hmm…" Aria said, getting back into her car. "Now let's go."

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I left a little cliffy here, I'll try to update ASAP, please review and thanks for reading. Reviewfriend.


	3. Cold

_**Chapter 3. Cold.**_

Susan stepped into the car, shivering, but there was no wind. It was actually sunny outside, so why did she feel so cold? She knew why. Because that old cook who had died, had been her friend, because that rich professor, had cared for her. Because that wonderful old man, had died.

Susan stared at the road that lay before her and tears fell from her face. The asphalt sea that lay before her, no matter how vast it would be, could never lead her back to the warmth that she had once felt resting in her heart, the warmth of love.

Now all she felt was the cold of loss, the iciness of hate and the piercing pain of bitterness. She wanted to get away, to run, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget the last words he had last said to her. "_I pity you Susan." _She wiped a tear away, and now she pitied herself.

After what seemed like an eternity, they arrived at the mansion, Susan looked up and did something she hadn't done in a long time. Smile. She walked in, and watched the people walk in and out as quickly as they could. They had obviously just come for courtesy. But Susan hadn't. She knew she had endured the long drive with Aria to be here for a purpose.

Susan walked in and saw Mrs.Macready standing by the door greeting the guests. They made eye contact for a moment, then Mrs.Macready walked towards Susan, handing her an envelope.

"I don't think you deserve it, but someone must love you very much" she said, then she walked back to her previous spot. Susan stared down at the letter. It had her name delicately written upon it in gold. Susan turned, Aria was staring at her expectantly.

"Well open it damnit!" Aria said loudly, gesturing towards the letter.

Susan would have rather opened it alone, but she knew there was no escaping Aria's wrath, so she opened the letter, and cried again.

_My Dearest Susan,_

_I know not of if you shall ever read this letter, but I hope that the good that brought you to receive this letter is real. I am old Susan, and I shall die soon. But I want you to have everything you can. You are such a beautiful young girl Susan, no, I apologize, you are a ravishing young woman, with a passion in her soul that never dies. My only wish for you is that you take what I give you, and use it well._

_You see Susan, life is a funny thing really. Life is too long for those who hurt, too short, for those who fear. Too slow for those who grieve, and too quick for those who enjoy. But for those who love, life is an eternity. And all I ask of you Susan, is that you live you're life well, and that you accept my apology for saying that I pity you. But truly Susan, I still do, but I admire you also._

_It takes great strength to care about those you love, but an even greater strength is required not to. I wasn't always a weak old man Susan, but I ask that you be weak, just this once, and remember._

_Love, Prof. Diggory Kirk._

Susan folded up the letter and returned it into the envelope, and noticed that there was another paper inside, and a key. Susan opened up the paper and her jaw dropped as she read the words. She was completely speechless.

"HOLY SH 600,000 pounds!" Aria yelled in shock. "God Susan, you must've made this man happy!" Aria said, snatching the deed out of Susan's hand.

Susan stared at the key; it was a very sharp key that slightly resembled a scalpel. And she knew exactly which door it opened. She thundered up the stairs, turning left, then right. And finally, there stood a door. One that she had seen before, and one she thought she would never see again. She withdrew the key, inserted it, and then held her breath.

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Ok so what'd you think? PLEASE TELL ME FOR ONCE AND WRITE A REVIEW! And yes, I know, rather short, and another cliffy. Lol.


	4. Home

**Chapter 4. Home**

There it was. The wardrobe that had caused her all the pain. The passageway between her world, and the Narnia. The one thing she hated and loved the most at the same time.

Susan shook her head. She didn't hate the wardrobe, it wasn't what had caused all the pain. She hated herself. How could she have let it all some to this? She no longer knew what to do. She had no home, and that was all that mattered.

It didn't matter that the ground she was standing on was now hers. Or that she had 600,000pounds at her disposal, or that she finally saw the wardrobe again. All that mattered was that she was alone, and she didn't want to be alone anymore.

Susan held the wardrobe door and closed her eyes. _I believe. _She thought, and she opened the door to reveal no wood, than the wood at the back of the wardrobe. Susan sighed, and began to cry.

All she had ever wanted was to be the best. She wanted to be the most popular, the coolest, the most beautiful. And she had always gotten what she wanted. But now, the one thing she wanted most was to be with her family in Narnia. She knew they would be there, Aslan surely would have saved them.

Susan climbed into the wardrobe, shut the door, and then curled up into a fetal position and sat in the corner. She still had the key, and she wished in all her being that it could open the wood behind her, so that just once more she could feel the soft snow at her fingertips, or smell the cold air that circled the woods.

But no, there was no Narnia here, though Susan now knew that there was a real Narnia, somewhere. She looked at the key in her hand. The key was useless now, it had served it's purpose and it had failed. There was no longer a Narnia in the wardrobe, and the only Narnia Susan knew now, was the one in her heart.

Susan stared at the key. _Useless. It is useless, just like me._ She thought and she sat up in an upright position and raised her sleeves to reveal her thin wrist. She cried a bit more though, she didn't know if she could live anymore. She lowered the key.

Slowly at first, then rigid and fast later, Susan sliced away at her own flesh, with the key that had been her only hope.

Susan had stopped crying now, no one would miss her, she was sure of that. Those whom she loved were all gone, and only Mrs.Macready remained. But Susan knew that Mrs.Macready would be fine, and so would Aria. Aria would probably be happy about it so that now she had something she could gossip about to her friends.

This realization only made Susan tear away at her flesh faster. It didn't hurt at all, the only pain she felt was the pain in her heart, and no one could take it away.

Minutes passed, and Susan began to feel weak. She slowly dropped the key. She could have bathed in the large amount of blood she had already spilled, but she didn't care, she could feel her life ending, she was glad, it was finally all over.

She closed her eyes, and felt her spirit leaving her body. But she didn't expect to feel what occurred next. She had expected to feel a large amount of heat and pain, but what she felt was not an overwhelming heat, a but soft, gentle warmth. She opened her eyes. She was dressed in her gown that she had worn the day that she had become queen. Susan looked behind her, and saw her own body, surrounded in a large pool of blood. Susan cried and shook her head, she shouldn't have ended her life. She was so young.

But as Susan surveyed her surrounding, she noticed that she was not alone anymore. In front of her stood Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Jill, an old lady about the professor's age and most importantly, the professor. But they all backed away as she saw one of the faces she had missed most. _Aslan._

"Welcome home child." Was all he said, but that was enough to make Susan cry. One last time.

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Well did you like it? Was it worth the wait? Tell me in a review please! I hope you all liked the story and you consider reading some of my other works too. Thank you and happy reading!

P.S. Leaving a review would make someone extremely happy!


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